lavivi: scan from Hellsing manga of Integra and Alucard (ack writing)
arrrrrrrgh stupid make-out scenes, stupid inebriation, stupid lack of motivation - I'm breaking all my own rules (they do not need to be under any influences to get it on and it is absolutely NOT one-sided) and I could/should have stopped it long ago but a first-kiss scene was requested.  Arrrrrrrgh.


(By the way, it's so funny writing Severus with the new canon.  He's a lovesick puppy, and it's IC.)
lavivi: scan from Hellsing manga of Integra and Alucard (Severus does triumph)
So, I did mention I'm participating in the [profile] less_for_you exchange, for which the deadline is now...tomorrow. 

I'm 700 words over the minimum, I've written several good scenes exploring their relationship - technically, there's a full story already here, written.  But it's not done, and it's not approaching the end the way I initially wanted.

And I wrote those 700 words just tonight, and enjoyed them, but now it's slowing down too much so that I'm slightly burning out and starting to wonder, didn't they already do this?  Don't I always write fluffy romantic scenes like this?  Where is this going?

...And now I'm even starting to wonder, do I really need a make-out scene?

Which is pretty much shipper blasphemy.  I haven't written real Lily/Severus in SO LONG - and I do still love and enjoy them, but eh.  It's hard to fight canon (at least in Harry Potter, not Hellsing), and struggling to find a way to fit it in the timeline confirmed by the seventh book takes away my drive. 

But I'm burning out now and want time to find my focus again and ha, this is why you're not supposed to put it off until the last night.

(Unrelatedly, I've had a pretty good draft of the first chapter of my crossover of awesomeness (Hellsing/Harry Potter/Ouran) written for a while now.  ...Should I go ahead and post it?  I'm pretty clueless on what'll come in the next few chapters after it - that is, the developing part of Integra and Kyouya's relationship - but I've had so many brilliant ideas for them and all the Host Club together, I decided it would be criminal not to give it all a serious go.  Anyway, what would I lose by posting it?  Who knows, I might even get some comments.)
lavivi: scan from Hellsing manga of Integra and Alucard (Violet and Klaus Baudelaire)
By the Way, a Vampire Ate My Uncle is posted.


(I ended up rationalizing it into sense.  Sigh.)

I can't believe, though, that I've posted three fics - two longstanding WIPs - in the last week or so.  WTF.  Here's to 2008 being productive as the last week, heh.  Particularly for Out of the Dungeon and my nightmare-story (yeah, ought to make a resolution about a certain word count a month for that).
lavivi: scan from Hellsing manga of Integra and Alucard (Integra since junior high)

What was hitherto always known as "the crazy bathtub scene" - now dubiously titled Calculations of Worth - is posted. *preens*

AND.  I think there will be another posting TOMORROW, from another eternal WIP (the post-funeral scene).  W00t.  Once I decide on a title that isn't hideously stupid.  (No, Lavinia, you really shouldn't call it By the Way, a Vampire Ate My Uncle.  You shouldn't.)
lavivi: scan from Hellsing manga of Integra and Alucard (Kyouya amused observation)

It's like my fourth attempt of the night, but I really like it - and it has a bit of mystery that's really, really obvious to anyone who remotely knows me, hem.  Also, my tags may or may not give it away.  And yes, it's exactly 100 words!


They are passionate.  They have their own private armies.  They are bespectacled, and they are absolutely, ruthlessly determined not to let anything stop them from their highest goals.  They command a frightening amount of power, in their respectively secret ways, and they have honor which prevents them from misusing it…too much.

They have never before met anyone of the opposite sex whom they could truly call an equal.

Walter poured more tea for Tamaki, who sniffed and blinked sorrowfully up at him.  “Walter…do you think they’re…in love?”

Walter sighed.  "Only in, if I may use the term, a narcissistic fashion."

lavivi: scan from Hellsing manga of Integra and Alucard (Integra since junior high)
Ahhhh, research.

I finally managed to get somewhere with my funeral-detail angst.  Nothing about modern British knights' funeral, mind you, but just general funeral stuff, since my knowledge was sadly lacking.  I've made an alarming number of funeral-planning type searches in the past hour, if anyone happened to check my history.  But, it was much more cheering to me than I imagine it would be to most doing the same searches; I have made DECISIONS, solved problems, and discovered about fifteen more ways for plausible angst. *cackles*

And, to finish it off, I've just learned a bit about the Anglican Church.  [profile] cleo2584 was correct in that many priests are called Father; but their actual title is Reverend, and I'm going to defy the norm in sticking with that, since it didn't take me long to realize how awkward and even unnecessarily angsty it would be for Integra to address him as "Father" as she discusses her own father's funeral, and that is what she always called her own father, so yeah.

In case it isn't clear, this is Out of the Dungeon which I still hold so close to me.

And this is really exciting; I'm surmounting some problems I've had since the v. beginning, and so many more ideas and scenes are opening up - I'm not worrying about what'll fill the next few days of the story anymore.  And it answers [profile] givemethechild's doubt when she read a particular scene. 

One of the best links for my benefit.  And of course, Wikipedia on Anglican ministers.

So yes, yay, I've cheered, now back to doing it.
lavivi: scan from Hellsing manga of Integra and Alucard (chivalry undead)
Whatever my discontent with...Welcome Home (I have to say I prefer referring to it as "almost-sex scene"), I cannot deny I have given it one of the best summaries ever for its copy on fanfictionDOTnet.

Integra arrives home for the summer, and Alucard is waiting for her. Strange things happen when you are fifteen.

For the WIN. 

(Also, if you join [profile] integral_art, you can see the gorgeous art Jean drew for it.  TOO GORGEOUS FOR THE CHANCE PASSERBY.)

Drabbles next, hopefully.  Along with the usual myriad of other WIPs.  All hopefully.
lavivi: scan from Hellsing manga of Integra and Alucard (Kyouya amused observation)
Have the new icons.  Not quite the new fic.

Have a different new fic, though - A Last New Year's Eve[profile] redandthewolf is proving to be amazing for me.  If only my New Year's resolution had been a community.  Well, I know what to do next year.

But look at the really, really, really nice review I got for it, from [personal profile] bratanimus:
Wow. I mean, really, WOW. I really, really liked this. You have a way with the physical actions of the characters, and impact of the environment; you know how to bring a scene to life. Remus rubbing his tongue on the roof of his mouth, Lily bouncing on her arm, the wall trembling behind them at the end, etc etc etc. Very vivid, very alive.

Even the exposition was evocative and complete, giving us tastes of other characters even though they are not the focus: Harry had a wonderful ability to make him forget unpleasant things. A sort of obliviator-field, as Sirius called it. So succinct and wonderful.

The hand holding and the "I love you's" actually took my breath away, which is something to be said for a fic. I adored the ending, from And what does one say through the end. The last sentence was so incredibly evocative.

And of course excellent use of the prompt. Such an economical piece, succinct and vibrant -- a fabulous snapshot of two people clinging to life, though love. I really, really loved this. Very glad you posted it. :D
Best I've gotten in a while, honestly.

But back to the icons.  A count of what I have now:
  1. Five Hellsing (one general/Alucard, two Integra/Alucard [*ignores the specific Girlycard*], one Integra, one Walter)
  2. Four Ouran (two pure Kyouya, one Kyouya-Haruhi, one Tamaki-Kyouya)
  3. Three Harry Potter (*cough* - at least one Lily/Severus now, finally, a general one, and [profile] buttfacemakani/humor)
  4. Two general writing (one negative, one neutral) and one slightly angsty Violet-/Klaus. :D
Have finally started going again on Out of the Dungeon - 5,447 words, and we're still barely halfway through day one.  When I post it, it's going to be CHAPTERED, ooooh.  Anyway, there are still many questions that must be answered, but at least I remembered certain important features like a will.  And I figure a lot of other details can be glossed over, as long as readers get the point of how angsty it is and how Alucard's helping her.  Hem.
lavivi: scan from Hellsing manga of Integra and Alucard (Snape will be redeemed)
So I'm finally posting a fic here again. Because 1) I feel better about it than the last and 2) I intend to crosspost it to a few communities. It's for [profile] redandthewolf 's second challenge, Tales of Whiskey and Regret.  I'm in the middle of a second story for the same challenge, let's see if I can finish it in time.  (Meanwhile, with Hellsing, I've done an amazing amount for Out of the Dungeon [fingers crossed that I don't get stuck, parts will be tricky] as well as the crazy bathtub scene which doesn't have a title yet.  But whee!

- Really, I don't have here a lily/severus tag or icon yet?  WTF and shame on me.

...OH, that's because I never even linked my first submission for [profile] redandthewolf.  Well, here it is now: Never Spoken, Never Forgotten.


Title: Stability, Safety, and Happiness
Summary: It was the insensible force of adolescent attraction, but it was strong and consuming and had carried them on for how many months now?
Rating: PG-13 (tiny bit of language)
Warnings: none but what we know happens in canon
Word Count: 1,738
Author’s Note: Okay, I like this better than my submission for the last challenge.  A bit, anyway.  And it's odd, isn't it, how I handle my OTP....  Reviews with however you truly feel will mean ever so much.

lavivi: scan from Hellsing manga of Integra and Alucard (Hellsing - Integra/Alucard)
Have been writing tonight!

First, I re-read and edited my post-funeral scene (of Walter and Integra's big conversation - "Richard's a bastard traitor who tried to kill me but I shot him.  Oh and by the way, Alucard's back").  It doesn't fail quite as much as I thought it did!  Last main problem is perspective.  DAMN PERSPECTIVE.  Why can't we see how they're both feeling in one scene, huh.  But I think it's fixed it up quite a bit, yay - will be emailing it again to my two lovely Hellsing girls ([info]givemethechild and[info]mortal_maiden) for further critiquing.  And then posting!!!  I so hope.

Now I am working on my old almost-sex scene.  Siiiiigh.  It's so conflicting.  I don't understand how it can suck so much in places, and then be so incredibly decent to the point of possibly being described as "really quite good" in others.  CONFLICTION.  And both ways are really sunk quite deeply into the story, so re-writing is hard.  It's so long and well-drawn-out for a PWP, too.  Which gives me extra motivation for really fixing it up everywhere.

Have discovered through this that I have (perhaps mostly just had) a terrible tendency to write passively.  Not always in the passive tense, but I can be so inclined to write things "elegantly" that involve long phrases and nicer words than normal ones, that it comes off detached.  WTF, I just concritted an author about this the other day.  I'm really glad I can recognize it in myself, though.  Anyway, so am working on fixing that too. 

Word count 3,539 for this one, and just over 2,000, I think, for the post-funeral scene.

(I want to start a new Lily/Severus piece too, just a glimpse of their relationship.  Was inspired by this.)

P.S.  Yes I still remember that thing called the nightmare-story.  It's just that when I have so little time to write now, I really want to spend it on things which have so much more promise and are better-written.  Sigh.  Will have to figure out time to keep working on it, though.

ETA after reading a couple more stories written within the last six months:  WHY.  Why do I suck SO MUCH.  *a v. furious headwall*  And why did I actually SEND THESE to girls whose opinion MATTERS to me SO MUCH.  AUUUUGH. 

Thank God they lied, though, and told me they loved it, because I really couldn't have handled any other response in my extremely nervous state.  ...Those two stories were of a new sort of hardcoreness.
lavivi: scan from Hellsing manga of Integra and Alucard (Hellsing - Integra/Alucard)

Several moments pass, until Integra says simply, “There are some things…you can’t avoid or deny, or pretend they don’t exist.  They just are.  They may not entirely seem right, but – there they are, anyway.”

[Will be posting something big v. soon.]
lavivi: scan from Hellsing manga of Integra and Alucard (ack writing)
Mischief Managed (Ishew) is SUPPOSEDLY finished.  Complete.  Except the last scene needs to be completely torn up and re-written.  Fortunately, I do know what it needs to be; I just need to make it so.  All about atmosphere.  Then the beta-process can be done.

I also plan to be posting the Hellsing dungeon scene (which will will will be named) quite soon as well.

Oh, and I also updated the nightmare-story She Had the Perfect Life on fanfictionDOTnet for the first time in over a year.  Ouch.  ...Lily and James will be getting married in the next chapter, I think.  Did not mention in the author notes how hard that will be to write, ahaha.  ...I just cannot feel Lily/James after having done Lily/Severus.

But it is nice to get (totally undeserving) reviews again.
lavivi: scan from Hellsing manga of Integra and Alucard (Hellsing - animated motto)
Instead of finishing one of my million WIPs, I started a totally new drabble.

At least I finished it in the same sitting.

Yep, Hellsing, and yep, Integra-focused.  Briefly, it was to vent after having a horrible dream. 

Title: Boggarts in Sleep
Word count: 353
Betaed:  Vaguely.  Didn't actually send it away, but got a couple of opinions on specific parts.
Rating: G

lavivi: scan from Hellsing manga of Integra and Alucard (Hellsing - Integra/Alucard)
Oof.  Last night I tackled my dungeon scene - went all the way through it and re-wrote everything that needed to be re-written, the flashback-bits in particular (which are now all stream-of-consciousy and outside-of-the-box), and I was actually focusing so hard on all of it that I gave myself a headache, in the end.  But it wasn't a bad headache and everything was productive.  I actually have no gauge at all of how much the flashback-bits suck, because I just cannot read the whole thing all over again right now (just too intense, man), and of course they depend on all the set-up that comes before them to make them work. 

SO I have sent it off to the beta. 

...And now I find myself almost uncertain of what to work on next.  Oh dear.  Too many things competing at once.  Nightmare-story, If Sirius Had Won (which I recently opened again and actually figured out what the closing scene will be - now just to tie up the threads between what I have now and the end)....
lavivi: scan from Hellsing manga of Integra and Alucard (Stephen King.)

Inspired by [profile] buttfacemakani, I recently started writing a Lucius/Narcissa fic (I have about thirty things - and the majority of them Hellsing, yes - in progress right now).  Anyway, as it is really my first Malfoy fic (besides Put a Light in the Window, which is Draco/Ginny, and in which I kill both Lucius and Narcissa off), I've been doing some musing on both of their backgrounds.  Particularly Lucius', since I've never really focused on that before.  

So at the moment I'm pondering his motivation for becoming a Death Eater.  Taking an enlightened perspective, I'm assuming it's more than just "yay killing mudbloods sign me up."  I believe he's an intelligent man - and also a Slytherin, so self-interest is a pretty strong motivation in all his doings - and so hmm.

I could pull out a few theories on why, but I'm also wondering if any essays or developed theories might have already been presented on why Lucius became a Death Eater.  Could anyone summarise their ideas, or pass a link?

lavivi: scan from Hellsing manga of Integra and Alucard (writing in general)
Hey look, I'm a writer.

Extremely impromptu return to Harry Potter, as a friend ([personal profile] bloodrebel333) randomly asked for porn!comments and then specifically mentioned myself and another girl writing Lily/Severus.  Well.

It is indeed smut, though definitely not very explicit at all.  Still, rated R and etc.  Oh, and just for the record: I don't think this is bad at all. Rather good, in fact, for its style. Only a couple of paragraphs now-

lavivi: scan from Hellsing manga of Integra and Alucard (Hellsing - Integra)
Because I really, really, really need to post some kind of writing-thing.  And I actually showed this to a friend (not my beta) who responded very nicely. 

So, a drabble I just sort of jotted down one afternoon, although actually I did word it very carefully, trying to impart the exact meaning and feeling I wanted - *shrugs a little*  Don't know exactly how well it worked. 

I have another drabble too (that's fit for posting, anyway), and I'll probably put it up here too if I get some good any feedback to this.  HA, though that isn't likely.


Title: Not for Him (OMEGA, a title)
Fandom: Hellsing
Word Count: 219
Betaed? No.
Summary:  A moment - not A Moment, mind you, but just a moment - between Walter and Integra.  No romance anywhere whatsoever, how original.  I'd like to let the reader choose her age - it's fairly obvious about how old she is.  There's a margin of a few years.

Not for Him

Walter waited silently by the door, watching as Integra stood before the full-length mirror.  She was staring into it as she adjusted her ascot and cross, her gloved fingers moving so slowly it almost appeared as though they were in a trance. 

“Walter,” she said, speaking very softly as her gaze never moved from the mirror, and he glanced at her face as he barely saw her lips move.  “What do you think my father would say, if he could see me now?” 

He opened his mouth to speak, then stopped; the honest answer that he believed was that it would be impossible for her father to recognize her.  But he couldn’t say that – what else could he say, that would somehow reassure her – perhaps that her father would be proud of her, ultimately (if he ever got his voice back), that she was serving Hellsing so well –

Integra moved her head very slightly to glance at him, her fingers still touching the perfectly straight tie, and she had never looked more emotionless. 

Then she dropped her hands and moved away from the mirror, passing through the door – saying almost idly as she did, though the detachment in her voice made the skin on the back of his neck prickle:

“That’s all right.  I’m not doing it for him anyway.”

lavivi: scan from Hellsing manga of Integra and Alucard (Default)
The boards - that is, Harry Potter Message Boards, on the official Warner Bros. site - have deleted my third repost thread.  Those last few words should tell you enough - but yes, while in some areas I am extremely stubborn...I quit now.  I'm not making another thread or trying to post the rest of my story on those boards.

So it'll just be on fanfictionDOTnet now, with those greviously long intervals between updates - although the chapters are usually fairly long.  And if it's deleted there someday, I'll finish it here.  It will be finished, one way or another.  Not because it's so great (obviously not), but because, at one point, it meant so much to me - and the characters and the story still does, on some deep level - and it deserves to be finished.  And I need to do that, at least for me.

Address, again, for it on fanfictionDOTnet:
lavivi: scan from Hellsing manga of Integra and Alucard (quote for book reviews)
A couple things - writing update, and a book review.  Not really SOS, but it must be reviewed all the same.

In the past ten days...well, I wrote some more of that second Hellsing one-shot, coming very close to the end, though I am still heavily dissatisfied with it.  Then I started - and finished - a third Hellsing one-shot.  It's the written perspective of the scene in which Integra meets Alucard.  I used a written transcript of it from the anime, that a very awesome friend made for me, so the dialogue and action is extremely canon - except in a couple places where I deliberately disregard it.  But that cannot be helped.

This third scene - hereafter known as "The dungeon scene" until I find a more official name for it - was written, like the others, in longhand, and will be typed up shortly - but I estimate it to be at least five thousand words. 

I am extremely, extremely pleased with it.

The beginning, it is true, is iffy, but I believe I can clear it up, because it grows to be very, very good.  It ended up going a little farther than I originally planned, but I think it's okay, and I definitely do like the ending.

After writing it, I realized all the more that the second one - simply known, right now, as "Walter vs. Integra," although it is not at all about them set against each other - they merely have a conversation, directly after The funeral scene - I realized that this second one will definitely have to be re-written heavily.  I think I can still salvage something of it, though.  We will see.

Meanwhile, I have gotten back the beta-ing on The funeral scene, and expect to make all the corrections very soon.  However, as there are many of them, I want to send it again to her for a second round, if she doesn't mind.

Now, the book review:

Profiles in Courage: It was not chosen by me to read for pleasure, I'll say that.  But, considering how it is about politics, it was not very bad at all for me - not even that hard to read.  The majority of it is a study on different United States senator, from John Quincy Adams to Robert Taft, who displayed astounding courage in their office.  Some parts were quite interesting, even - nearly all were persuasive.  I was reminded how Massachusetts is one of the most amusing states - it was started by Puritans and later condemned by them, then actually passed a law declaring it would be a criminal act if someone followed a federal law (the Fugitive Slave Act) - and now all the present gay issues. 

A few quotes, now:

"Necessity compels me to speak true rather than pleasing things....  I should indeed like to please you; but I prefer to save you, whatever be your attitude toward me."

My favorite profile was the one of Thomas Hart Benton.  He enchanted me from the beginning by his apparent idiosyncrasy of saying "sir" every few words.  Such as:

[When asked if he had known Andrew Jackson] "Yes, sir, I knew him, sir; General Jackson was a very great man, sir.  I shot him, sir.  Afterward he was of great use to me, sir, in my battle with the United States Bank."

And this, as well:

(The leathery quality of his skin was in part the result of a daily brushing with a horsehair brush "because, sir, the Roman gladiators did it, sir."  When asked if the brush was truly rough, he would roar: "Why, sir, if I were to touch you with that brush, sir, you would cry murder, sir!")

And lastly:

"When Benton heard of Foote's threat that he intended to write a small book in which l'affaire Benton would play a leading role, Benton replied: "Tell Foote that I shall write a very large book in which he will not figure at all!" (And he did.)
lavivi: scan from Hellsing manga of Integra and Alucard (writing in general)
I finished my first Hellsing scene.  It stands at 2,234 words, and will be posted here after it is finished at the beta's.

I am very, very pleased with how it looks now, and how I started and finished it in less than a week.  Extremely encouraging for my confidence in my writing in general.


lavivi: scan from Hellsing manga of Integra and Alucard (Default)

April 2009

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