Loathing nightmare story

[lavivi]

It is not a good idea to plan a one-shot while re-reading and loathing one's story.  But it is loathable.  And this was supposed to be one of my Great Scenes!  How I butchered it.  Can I even give myself the condolence that I recognized the bad potential -

No.  Story is stupid.  Am bad writer.  Ought to give up now and become Metro bus driver.

...after I write this one-shot.  (All notes will be written in private entry.)

Only part I do like is David's speech.

It was a few minutes before Sirius found his voice, and then he just swore again weakly, sitting down on the windowsill.  “David – I didn’t know you would go after him, I – I didn’t think-“

David whirled; the bowl crashed to the floor.  “No, you didn’t think! You never do! Both of us could have been killed – you didn’t think of that, did you? And what was that? You didn’t think we’d go and try to stop him? You thought we’d just let Snape be killed, then? And what if we had – what if you got your wish and Snape had been killed? Then there would have been the jolly business of telling Remus he’s a murderer, that he’s finally realized his worst fear, and, just as a plus, one of his best friends set him up to do it.  But he’ll take it well, I’m sure, he’ll only fucking KILL HIMSELF!  God damn you, you-“

But rage had burned away David’s vocabulary, and he stood there, shaking.

*kicks the immediate lines after it*

And the ones before it.  Did I even notice I blatantly contradict David's speech when they're walking back to the Whomping Willow? 

Only one future for Lavinia, and that is bus driver.

Comments

[shortbutsweetg.livejournal.com]

o.O That's kind of hard to read...

[http://users.livejournal.com/_lavinia_/]

ARGH. Try it again, it's better now.