FictionAlley quotes

"We're made for each other. Our love is that of two tormented souls finally coming to peace after an eternity alone. Without you I am nothing." "Really?" Harry asked, genuinely moved. "Are you high?" Draco snapped. - How Harry Potter Got His Groove Back

"Malfoy," Ron continued, in total disregard of his imminent death at Ginny's hands, "is pure evil." Ginny sniffed. "I'm well aware of his faults, Ron."... — SkoosiePants (Lack of Sense)

"I'm going to hug someone!" Ginny cried, and, arms opened wide, turned to the nearest person. She froze when she saw that it was Draco Malfoy and said, "But not you!"... — Freelancer (The Play That Must Not Be Named) Harry and his friends swung around to see Crabbe and  his cronies at the other end of the hall.  The orchestra started up a jazzy tune.  Everyone started snapping their fingers... "Snape: Bah humbug. I am a twisted and bitter individual with an unusual penchant for hanging out in dungeons. I am a loner. My only friend is a dead chipmunk in a jar of glazed honey. I call him 'Charles'." ... — Clam Chowder (The Ultimate Harry Potter Cliche Catalogue) "Oh! She has BADGERS!" Helga exclaimed, with the impression of hands clapping together excitedly. "Oh, I want her!"... — Andrea13 (The Thinking Cap) [And may I add an excellent one-shot of a story] “So what exactly do you do?” asked Petunia, clearly not expecting much from Harry. “I am a slayer of Dark Wizards,” said Harry. Petunia’s eyes bulged. “It’s quite profitable. I’ll make dinner now... — blamblerose_proudfoot (Remember Your Heart) Voldemort’s voice grew soft and incredibly evil-sounding. “You wish to trade your power, given to you by the most powerful wizard of all time, to a woman who makes good biscuits? Have you lost your wits entirely?” ... — Webba (The Devil's Deal Chapter 19) ...you know, there are some stories that you see over and over again in the quotes, and the above is one of them.  I know quite a bit about it, just from the quotes.  It's focused on Wormtail and some girl named Tessa, and apparently they fall in love.  Um.  And I think it's also one of those where the author herself obnoxiously adds quote after quote quite regularly.... “I’d quit if I didn’t think Crouch’d take it as treason,” complained Persephone. ... — Narcissa Malfoy (1975) She came over the afternoon before I was to go to school, and asked to be shown around our house. She then proceeded to ask me why we didn't have any televisions in our house…or phones. Or microwaves. I asked her what those things were, and then she asked me if we were Amish. ... — Resident Goddess/Cassiel (Seven Years) OH!  Have just found an excellent parody, so good I will quit my quote-flipping to read it.  I give you Harry Potter and the Overdone Plot Devices, and a quote I found myself: Meanwhile, Harry is sitting in the great hall and being deeply traumatized.  His parents are dead, his godfather is dead, the Dursleys hate him, he's got a lifelong bad hair day, and a crazed dark wizard is out for his blood.  He is very sad, angst-ridden, depressed, sullen, and angry, and yet brave and noble and self-sacrificing.  He is also very hot and muscular, with lots of rippling and defined muscles.

(no subject)

*DIES LAUGHING*

Dumbledore is in his office, being very wise.

""Tis a strange tale, thee doth tell."  He says, nodding wisely. 

"Uh, Sir, why are you talking like that?"

"Alas, 'tis the teenage fanfic authors.  When they try to make me not sound like a sixteen-year-old American, I inevitably end up sounding ridiculous.  Methinks I must always be-eth a bad imitation of what is supposed to be Shakespeare, or talk like Yoda, I do.  Apparently my wisdom is such that it can only be expressed through truly appalling grammar."

"So, what do we do about the time traveling?"  Asks Hermione.

"Alas, tell you, I will not."

"But, why not?  Don't you know?"

"Of course I do.  I know everything.  But if I just fixed everything, which I am perfectly capable of doing mind you, there would be no time for ye olde cliched subplot of romance.  Besides, I prefer to watch thee all bungle it up and laugh at thee.  Forsooth."

"So what do we do?"

"I dunno.  Probably thou should to to the library and look for a book called "What To Do If You've Broken Your Time-Turner And Travelled Back To Your Parents School Days And Are Really Sexy" or something of the sort.  Then thou shalt probably have to go and search for some magical object to take thee back, but the plot will never get that far because thou shalt all be too busy snogging each other.  Hark!  That's the most important thing, thou must snog."