Analysis of the funeral scene.

So.  This is for my own benefit - partly driven by an impulse to write it for myself, and also to make it public so I know that other people can see this, so they know I do, actually, have a higher standard in writing than I show in the funeral scene.

Because it was v. interesting - when I first wrote and finished the funeral scene (which was all done in a relatively short amount of time), I was in love with it.  Not all of it, but I thought the dialogue, particularly, was brilliant.  Then I typed it up, started editing, got it back from the beta's - and it had faded a lot.  Then, finally, the last time I was going to read it over before posting - I started reading, and realized in horror that the introductory paragraphs, with all the description, were downright awful. 

And of course, I could have decided not to post it after all, and keep it back and work on re-writing it - but I had just been through two rounds of editing with my beta, and I was just so anxious to get my first Hellsing fic (and some kind of story at all, since it’s been ages since I’ve posted anything) out. 

But now I’m going to make a list here of what I specifically find wrong with my scene, along with a list of what I think is decent.  I think this will be very valuable to myself later on, so I can look back and see what I valued and did not value in my writing, and how soon I feel this when I write something.

( What is less than perfect )

( What is decent )