lavivi: scan from Hellsing manga of Integra and Alucard (Integra since junior high)
[personal profile] lavivi
Okay so I'm (slowly) reading the latest chapter of The Constant Guardian (the banter occasionally amuses me, but the writing/characterisation is so very questionable, so I have to go slow given my extreme sensitivity about Integra's characterisation), and a reminder of the plot (pill-induced vampirism in Romania) triggered this line of thought -

The actual likelihood of that if it were possible (which could be v. likely if vampires were, y'know, real) - how it would probably appear on the internet, some big flashing ad on a homepage like "WANNA BE A VAMPIRE?  THERE'S AN EASY WAY WITH NO DANGEROUS BITING INVOLVED" and when Walter shows it to Integra, how she would mutter, "That's sick.  ...I'd like to shoot Stephanie Meyer and Anne Rice.  Can we classify it as urgent prevention measures?"

and then how Integra probably has pinned up somewhere a hit list of authors etc. who are famous for making vampires seem cool, and also dreams of one day forcing them to have a disclaimer in all their works of how vampirism is just as cool as a bullet to the face, which she will assuredly personally deliver

- and then if Stephanie Meyer ever did an (extremely likely) British tour...how she might be kidnapped detoured for a little while so Integra can introduce her to Alucard and show her just how sparkly vampires are.


looooooool oh my God it's FRICKIN' BRILLIANT I can taste it, that would be so so cool and it could even spread like wildfire through fandom (if I'm able, as is always my problem, to live up to the idea with my execution).  Oh man oh man.  I don't think I can resist now, since I've thought about it for ten seconds.  It'll be short, a one-shot and just short of crack.

(I have not actually read Twilight, but I've heard an awful lot about it, particularly from [profile] buttfacemakani's extensive rants (1 2) and then some others.  I kind of do want to read it, for the same reason I like to read [profile] babb_chronicles, but it holds extra interest as published badfic.  It could cheer me up.)

ETA:  Okay I have to give credit where credit is due, particularly considering my blunt appraisal of The Constant Guardian at the top - but this just made me crack up laughing, it's really perfect:

[Alucard discussing the pill-induced vampires:]

"...Drug-ulas, perhaps.”

Integra closed her eyes wearily. “Five hundred years of personally experiencing cultural evolution—the renaissance, philosophy, the arts—and that’s the best quip you can come up with?”

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lavivi: scan from Hellsing manga of Integra and Alucard (Default)
lavivi

April 2009

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