lavivi: scan from Hellsing manga of Integra and Alucard (Kyouya amused observation)
[personal profile] lavivi
I HAS A DRABBLE.

It's like my fourth attempt of the night, but I really like it - and it has a bit of mystery that's really, really obvious to anyone who remotely knows me, hem.  Also, my tags may or may not give it away.  And yes, it's exactly 100 words!

***

They are passionate.  They have their own private armies.  They are bespectacled, and they are absolutely, ruthlessly determined not to let anything stop them from their highest goals.  They command a frightening amount of power, in their respectively secret ways, and they have honor which prevents them from misusing it…too much.

They have never before met anyone of the opposite sex whom they could truly call an equal.

Walter poured more tea for Tamaki, who sniffed and blinked sorrowfully up at him.  “Walter…do you think they’re…in love?”

Walter sighed.  "Only in, if I may use the term, a narcissistic fashion."

(no subject)

Date: 2007-12-30 06:51 pm (UTC)
cleo: A purple and green baby dragon from deamon diary (Default)
From: [personal profile] cleo
My only complaint is the shift from present tense--"they are..."--to past tense--"They had never...". I don't like stuff in present tense at all, but I'd rather see the end of this in it:

They have never before met anyone of the opposite sex whom they could truly call an equal.

Walter pours more tea for Tamaki, who sniffs and blinks sorrowfully up at him. “Walter…do you think they’re…in love?”

Walter sighs. "Only in, if I may use the term, a narcissistic fashion."


Also, the last sentence. I know what you're going for, but the syntax is a little...I don't know. It's not coming across well.

Other than that, i really like it, especially the first paragraph.



(no subject)

Date: 2007-12-31 12:55 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] http://users.livejournal.com/_lavinia_/
!!! Thank you so much for replying to this - I really didn't think anyone would, since I don't know anyone who's into both Hellsing and Ouran and sympathetic to my crossover OTP. So yes, I really appreciate this.

Ah, that was an oversight with the past tense in that middle line. Thanks, I'll fix it.

Thanks again!

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lavivi: scan from Hellsing manga of Integra and Alucard (Default)
lavivi

April 2009

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